The Palatial Main Studio

We all know that every house has a bathroom. Or a washroom. Or as they say down across the line, a restroom. I could never figure out why you want to rest in there but I digress. In any case our house had nothing of the sort. Non, naida, and zero. I never knew any different, I mean there were diapers for the first year or so and then came a very comfortable potty chair. The misery started after the graduation from the potty chair. I mean I was a big boy now and I could use the adults bathroom. Right ! It was a disgusting building, maybe 7 feet high by 4 feet wide and 4 feet long. It was actually a large coffin that stood up on its end and sat over top of a very deep hole. The comforts though were unlimited. A very plush board shelf with a one size fits hole. You always hoped that it was sanded to a little nicer finish. Not a great place to get a sliver. I was fortunate that we were civilized enough to upgrade from Sears and Eaton's catalogues of my forefathers to actual toilet tissue. Well not exactly tissue, more like paper. I wondered about that hole, I really had visions of falling through that sucker. Then I wondered about the bigger people and how they managed to - well you get the point. Then I wondered how many years it would be before that big hole was filled up. Such incredible thoughts for a young boy. They actually put a hook lock on the door, just in case someone really wanted to go and check out the outdoor spa. One of the laughable things in it was the little window that they cut up top to help recirculate the air that became rather heavy. Real funny people these pioneers were !! The weather made all the difference. In the summer it was hot and sticky, not to mention a stench that arose from many dead intestinal revivals that lined the pit so to speak. It was a magnet to all kinds of earthly insects, from flies, to bees, to hornets and even the odd wasp. It was not a place you hung out in, it was a place that you feared. A bowel movement to a kid in those days was like going for your first needle. Total fear. In the winter, well that was really something. Not sure ones posterior was made to sit on a ice lined hole. It was so cold - even it didn't want to come out. The worst one was the calling in the dark. I tried everything to make sure I never took a trip out there in the dark. Talk abut a horror movie. On nights like that, I could not wait for light. I prayed for the sun to come up so I could get out to that stench box. It was times like those that insects took a back seat to the issue at hand.

I value washrooms today. They are truly one of man's greatest inventions. Even though all public washrooms have to be treated with a hands off approach, such as flushing the toilet with your foot and opening doors with your sleeve, they are still one of the earth's greatest things and I will be forever grateful.